by Kayla McCullough
I once dated a man who turned out to be a sorcerer. I didn’t know this at first because he appeared to be just a regular guy. You know the type: charming, attractive, and flirtatious – the average fuckboy cocktail (so I should have seen it coming). With all commentary aside, he was a normal guy. He wore normal clothes, listened to normal music, ate normal food, and, much to my surprise, he was single and looking for something serious.
Though normal it might have seemed, he was a sorcerer. He had concocted a personality with the well-intentioned purpose of making me like him. When we first started talking, he liked all the music, books, classes, and food I liked. He even went so far as to lie about how passionate he was towards a particular industry that I loved. A couple of weeks into the new relationship, I found out he had no idea who Stephen Malkmus was until I mentioned him. He tolerated Indian food. Serious to him meant something entirely different from what “serious” meant to me (marriage, kids, etc.).
This beautiful man had cast a spell over me. He and I had so much in common! We were on the same page! But cracks began to show through his made-up personality over time. When I discovered the extent of his lies, I felt knocked off my seat. He had lied about things as small and ridiculous as being a morning person. And much to my surprise, he was playing this montage out on a wide range of other girls.
Guys, let me make it clear - you’re never going to find a woman who’s into you if you never present yourself as you are.
I, like other women, want to be with someone genuine. I know myself enough to be myself, and I want the same quality in my partner. The key to getting a girlfriend is by being you (and not playing the field). No woman gives a crap about how in love you are with everything she loves. The more you don’t act like yourself, the less chance you will have to land a girlfriend while you’re in college.
Attracting a woman is about taking the focus off your needs and putting it into someone else. Drop all your thoughts about what you have to try and be to attract a woman. Here are a few pointers to landing the girl.
Share what’s in your head and heart, not in your bank account.
Assets such as houses, cars, money, and property are like trophies – they’re exciting for about a week, and then they become seemingly unimportant. When you confront a woman for the first time, don’t lead the conversation around these objects. They might seem valuable to you, but if you’re looking to settle down with someone who will not take advantage of you, your brain should become your most valuable proposition.
The best examples that I can give to help you out here are: have an intelligent conversation with her, find a way to show off your emotional intelligence, ask her questions about her life and get to know her, tell her something that has happened to you and what you learned from that experience.
I know it may seem awkward at first to divulge your emotions to someone other than yourself. Still, when you bring her into your world, you steer the conversation away from materialistic things towards a more engaging and inspiring conversation.
Preach what you practice. Please, spare everyone the misery, and don’t exaggerate about the things you enjoy. Women are brilliant, and we know, without a doubt, when you are lying about something. If the man I described up above would have told it how it was, chances are, the relationship would have lasted longer than it did. Lying is like smudging a girl’s mascara and then asking, “What’s wrong baby, why don’t you like me?”
*Tip - Women find it sexy if a man has a certain mystery about him. Those who are honest about their lifestyle have a better shot at landing a second or third date.
Try hard, but not too hard. The first date that I had with my current boyfriend, I had to take two or three shots before he picked me up. This wasn’t because I was nervous; it was because he was a talker, and I had to make sure I could carry on a conversation. Laugh all you want, but I could tell he was trying hard to impress me, and to many other women, that would be a turn-off.
Remember, put some effort in, but not so much to where it feels like the girl should third wheel the date you are having with yourself. Here is what you can do without going overboard: plan a (good) date in advance. Sorry to hurt your feelings, but no one likes to mini-golf. Open the door for her, tell her she looks good (if she looks stunning, then tell her that), show her you care by sending a text after you drop her off, make eye contact, spoil her with some flowers and hold her hand.
Have a spine and make a move. Texting can only go so far. It’s true, it can open the door about 2 cm to the woman’s heart, but that’s all it does. Have the courage to ask her out. Before I go on with this, I need to make sure you know something about text messages – learn to spell and use proper grammar. Abbreviations, acronyms, and spelling errors are not cute. This makes women think that you have no brain, and dumb people don’t get dates.
Now that I have addressed that, I want you to know that many women are looking for a hero or a knight in shining armor. They want someone who can impress them and take action. Think about a business for a second. What does it take for it to succeed?
A large part of the business is selling. If we break down selling, it comes down to this beautiful, mysterious concept called a sales-funnel. You take someone from a lead to an opportunity, to a raving fan (customer).
Attracting a woman is the same concept. To be successful, you have to always be taking the next step and driving the action. There’s nothing sexier to a woman than a man who’s in charge. So, to break it down even further, you will not win the attraction game unless you make a move.
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