by Lorraine Jones
It’s one of the worst feelings when you feel your girl is losing interest. The “honeymoon” phase is over. She stops doing those little ‘just because I love you’ gestures like sending good morning texts and calling you on her lunch break just to tell you about her day. This is it. She’s acting distant and you're watching your relationship slowly dwindle. The passion behind her eyes is dull and the fire is out. She’s pulling away, making your pursuit one-sided. All signs lead to one conclusion: she’s losing interest.
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Jason Lee, Relationship Science and Data Analyst with Healthy Framework thinks there are clear signs when determining if a girl has lost interest. Is she finding ways to spend more time apart? Are your conversations much shorter and their input much less? Has she stopped planning things with you in the future? Has she started planning things in the future without including you? Any change that deviates away from how you normally act is a sign in itself that she is losing interest in the relationship. Are you putting in the right amount of effort into the relationship? Are you helping to continue growing the relationship? Have you stopped doing the little things like carrying things for her or making her a cup of coffee how she likes it in the morning? Have you changed at all?
Stephania Cruz, relationship expert and author of Datingpilot.com, believes there’s a difference between signs in the early stages of the relationship and signs that occur in long-term relationships. In new and euphoric relationships, these red flags are easier to spot than in the more seasoned relationship. In serious relationships, your partner may just no longer be driven by the intense excitement as she once did. “At this stage of the relationship, couples should take the time to build on their emotional intimacy to nourish and continue the growth of their relationship. Doing things such as learning each other's love language, connecting at a deep and emotional level, supporting each other in goals and other life occurrences, being a safe place for one another to be authentic, etc. will all help the relationship grow,” said Cruz.
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If she stops responding to your texts or is slow to answer your messages, especially direct questions, she may be losing interest. “Usually, at the beginning of the relationship, we cannot wait to get the message from our crush, and we message each other several times a day. Gradually, the number of messages decreases, but it should remain consistent as the relationship moves forward,” said Nikolina Jeric, founder of 2date4love.com. If you are in a healthy relationship, you should never second guess or wonder whether you are annoying your partner after seeing ‘read’ by your previous message. If you notice a slight change in your partner’s communication, it's not something to take lightly.
According to Rhonda Mattox, it's the little things that speak wonders in a relationship. “You hear them talking excitedly to others and you are hearing about their day as they tell their exciting news to others instead of telling it to you,” said Mattox. These tell-tale signs let you know that passion is simmering. She no longer feels a spark of excitement around you. You're not the first person she wants to see when she wakes up and the last voice she wants to hear before she sinks into a heavy slumber. You're not the only person she wants to tell everything to anymore. You have been demoted to a minor, less significant role in her life. You are no longer the main character; you have a supporting role that slowly fades into the background.
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My Girlfriend Doesn’t Text Me Like She Used To…
If your girl isn’t paying attention to you or what you're saying, she's probably losing interest. If you’re the one who’s doing most of the talking and she gives you vague answers and doesn’t seem to be interested, another red flag. In most relationships, you should want to share everything with the other whether it’s your entire childhood trauma or a rude look someone gave you at work. “You feel more like an acquaintance, not the partner. If your partner starts treating you like an acquaintance, not updating you about what’s happening in their life and they avoid talking about personal things, they might be losing interest in you,” said Jeric.
One of the most important red flags is the subtle touches or lack of. Rarely grazing the other’s hand or brushing your lips against their cheek is a sign that the electricity is gone between the two of you. Every delicate touch should send sparks between you, wanting to physically be as close as humanly possible. Most couples crave even just the gentlest touch. Small symbols of affection ground each other and let the other know that you are there. Stroking the other’s skin obsessing over every curve to their body, you can feel the passion like goosebumps tingling all over yours. There are numerous non-verbal ways to communicate love in a relationship like resting your head on your partner’s chest or falling asleep on their shoulder. If you notice you barely even touch or that there’s a weak reaction when you do, it’s an obvious sign that she is losing interest.
The absence of the small gestures she once did gradually build over time, resulting in her completely pulling away altogether. If these red flags are caught in time, there is still hope before things perpetuate to an irreversible level. You must identify the problem first before your relationship turns down a dead end. You need to take a step back and not only look at your relationship but each of your effort and roles that contribute to the overall relationship.
Perhaps it's something completely out of your control. If you don't spot the issue in your own life, start looking externally. Is there something going on in your partner's life that's causing them to lose interest? The obvious thought is that there’s another man or woman, but that's not always the case.
Sometimes when life catches up with you, it can be perceived as losing interest in someone. To you, it feels like they aren’t trying and have given up but sometimes the reality of the situation is that they are drowning in work, caught in the crossfire of family drama, or have even sunken into an unmotivated depression. Life is hard. Sometimes other factors outside of the relationship can affect your mood or motivation inside the relationship. Not everyone copes with stress the same way. Some people are irrationally irritable, some people shut down, or just shut people out.
Starting a dialogue and opening a safe and clear line of communication is important, not only for the relationship but also just to check in as someone who simply cares for their wellbeing. A breakthrough like this can open a crack for vulnerability and even intimacy. Don’t jump to conclusions just yet. A girl doesn’t lose interest overnight. Falling out of love isn’t something people do lightly or on a whim. These signs don’t necessarily mean the slow death of the relationship. There’s always hope. The first step is to start a conversation, spend more time together, and do the activities you enjoyed doing before miscommunication entered your relationship. Surprising your partner with things they wished they did is a great way to show them you’re trying, you’re listening, and you still care for them.
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Although it’s always good to put in effort to show you care, you shouldn't have to change yourself to keep another person interested. “You're fabulous and you have value. You don't have to win them. You ARE the prize. Do the work to invest in yourself with therapy, self-care, and personal and professional development. If you have to win them back, you are working entirely too hard and you cannot sustain that without great injury to yourself,” said Mattox. Simple things like starting a dialogue or surprising her with a meaningful gesture can rekindle the fire in any relationship. Appreciate your partner. Make her feel special by asking her out on a spontaneous date, give her unexpected gifts, and spend more time with her. It’s the simple things that scream how someone feels about you, good or bad.
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