by Lorraine Jones
Every man knows when he is in the dog house. Even when a woman doesn’t outright say she’s mad, you know. It's a woman's instinct to subtly tell you she's mad without verbally saying it. A woman will create a stoic atmosphere in small hints and clues. That cold chill that creeps across the room when she leaves in the morning for work without saying goodbye, when she stops answering your calls, the one-word responses, that silent look that screams a thousand words, all leading to one conclusion… she's mad. A woman will hold back on love, showing affection, and sex to punish you, all nonverbal signs that she is unhappy with you.
Dean Caporella, the founder of RomanceRepair.com, thinks that you’d have to be pretty thick not to realize when a woman isn't happy with you but in reality, many guys don’t realize they’ve done something to upset their girl. It’s just a guy thing. For minor stuff like cleaning up, emptying the trash or not using a coaster on the coffee table there’s no sweat when smoothing things over. But when it's a blunder of greater magnitude such as flirting with someone else, missing a date or missing her birthday, there’s little room for error when trying to earn her forgiveness.
Caporella believes there is one word that can lead to a man’s eternal downfall, ‘but’. “Most guys will say something like, “Honey, I want to apologize for what I did BUT, you have to admit it wasn’t all my fault…” Never use the word “but.” She wants an unconditional apology,” said Caporella. A woman wants to hear your sincerity in a genuine apology, not a half-hearted compromise. The right way to phrase it is, ‘Honey, I want to apologize for (insert what you did). It was bad behavior by me and unfair on you. I love you and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me’. This will usually get you back in her good graces, depending on how severely you upset her,” said Caporella.
Doug Noll, lawyer and professor, thinks the most important thing to do in this situation is to emotionally validate her. The best course of action according to Noll is to listen to and reflect back her emotions with a simple “you” statement. “You are angry and frustrated. You don’t feel heard. You feel disrespected and unappreciated. You are sad and disappointed. You feel abandoned and unloved,” said Noll. Phrases like that simply reflect back her emotions. Mutual understanding is key in any relationship and by seeing her perspective will allow you to connect with her on a deeper level.
Frances Kelleher, a female Dating Expert, says ‘before all else you must apologize.’ The first step in reconciliation is saying ‘you’re sorry,’ otherwise, she won’t stop fuming. The next course of action is to merely listen. “Women have to feel like we are heard and that our man understands where we are coming from. Do not try to explain or rationalize your actions, instead explain that you understand why she is so upset. Promise it will never happen again,” said Kelleher.
Kelleher recommends showing her you’re sorry by doing something you said you’d never do like watching a chick flick or going shopping with her. Help yourself gain points in little ways by showing you care. You could help her relieve stress by fixing something she needs or ask her about her day and listen to her problems. Sometimes all a woman needs is someone to listen to her vent. You could even buy her something she always had her eye on to show her you remembered and you listen. “This makes girls feel important and cherished which is one main love feeling that women need to feel-cherished,” said Kelleher.
When Kelleher was dating her husband, he presented her with an apology she could never forget. He arrived at her door on Valentine’s Day peering around a boutique of a dozen pink roses so full they disguised the whole upper half of his body. In his strong hands, a delicate heart-shaped jewelry box with a pendant sitting upon a cushion. He remembered she said she always preferred pink roses to red. Her boyfriend had worked 16-hour days all that week but managed to call every florist in town as they were all sold out on account of the holiday. He ran to the shop after work getting there mere minutes before they closed. He went to the effort to pick out the necklace himself and it was exactly her style and taste which really impressed her. He told her that he was sorry and that he wanted them to have a nice Valentine’s Day together. Kelleher forgave him on the spot because he was so sweet and sincere.
Kelleher swears that if you devote yourself to the actions needed to make her feel adored and cherished, she will open up and forgive you. How long she stays mad always depends on how much effort put into showing her you are truly sorry. Most fights are the result of misunderstandings or carelessness. If you and your girl really love each other, she won’t stay mad for long.
Unlock unlimited content and get a 1-year subscription of He's SINGLE Magazine today!