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When Should a Woman Pay for a Date?

by Molly Cohen

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

Ladies, pay when you want. I mean that. No rule says you can’t pay for the first date! There is a rule that you shouldn’t pay for every date, then they are mooching my dear and you should run.

There is so much pressure for the first date, for both the guy and girl. He is supposed to pay, you are supposed to look nice, but not too nice, etc. The best date I ever went on, we both paid. He paid for his coffee and I paid for mine. For the rest of our relationship, we split things, I would pay for a date one time, he would pay for the next.

There is no shame in asking your date if you want to get the check, he may insist, and you can either accept or split it. Whatever the vibe is of the night, go with your gut. Expecting the guy to pay is not always appreciated.

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Let’s put it this way if you went on a date and the other person looked at you when the bill came like it was obvious you would pay, how would you feel? Men have been expected to pay for dates and courtships because they were the only people with an income. Historically, a woman couldn’t pay because she had no means of spending money. Progress means this too has to change. There is nothing wrong with wanting to pay!

Wanting to pay for a date means you are an independent woman who knows that she can give as much as taking. Men shouldn’t have all the pressure on them to give. If we want a healthy, two-way relationship that goes for dates, too. Now if by the fifth date they haven’t even offered to pay, you may be in trouble. Generally, people who like each other like to demonstrate just how much they like you.

Men are notorious for flashy demonstrations showing their girlfriends how much they love them, at least in Rom-Coms they do this a lot. In all seriousness though, they should at least offer to pay for a date, and you should accept sometimes. You can both cover the costs to spend time together. Romance is appreciated and necessary for both of you.

Sometimes the most romantic thing a girl can do is buy dinner. It’s also good to remind them that rose petal baths are just as romantic. Romance isn’t all about big gifts or chocolates and flowers. Romance is found in the little things that take the pressure off. And you don’t have to only offer sex to be romantic either. If you guys normally go out to eat, try to cook, and vice versa.

Dating doesn’t have to be quite as terrible and foreboding as it is. Don’t let your man feel like the relationship is on his shoulders to carry. Your contributions are just as important as theirs. The more you are willing to add to the relationship, the more they will want to give in return.

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Don’t think of paying as his responsibility. It is both of your responsibility to take each other on dates and make each other feel appreciated. You are an independent woman, there is no reason for you to feel awkward about taking your date out and paying!

It is time to stop wondering when a woman “can” and ask ourselves why shouldn’t she be able to? Why do we have to ask ourselves when it is time to show our independence? If your man’s ego is that fragile that you can’t pay for a date, that’s a different issue. I implore you to stop asking and start to say, “I will do this because I am independent and want to give.” The Spice Girls said it best, “Taking is too easy, so you have to give a little too.”

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